By David DeAngelo
I think that a lot of guys wonder “Is there anything I should do DIFFERENTLY if I'd like to turn a casual date into a girlfriend?”
The reason why I'd like to address this question is I think many guys wonder if they should do something DIFFERENT if they'd like to pursue a relationship with a woman as opposed to just dating her a few times for short-term fun.
I personally think that women have a basic program when it comes to men that are potential romantic interests. It says, “If he chases me, run. If he doesn't chase me, chase him.”
Of course, this is a big generalization, and it doesn't always hold true… but it's true enough in most situations.
If you call a woman all the time, she'll probably not call you. If you take a woman to dinner 4 times in a week, she probably won't be inviting you over for dinner at her place.
On the other hand, if you go out with a woman and she has a GREAT time with you, then you don't call for a couple of days, or maybe you call once for 3 minutes to tell her that you're busy and make plans for a few days later, she will be thinking about you all the time.
If you do seem like you're into a relationship, then a woman has a much bigger decision to make, and will be taking all kinds of things into consideration… little gestures will take on new meaning.
If you're ONLY looking for a “relationship”, then this will come across in all your dealings with women. You'll be asking different questions, answering questions differently, and playing for the long term. This can create all kinds of problems when done "too much too soon".
My personal experience is that women will act much more “real” if you don't put any pressure on the situation. It's when you're acting like this is either “marriage or we're breaking up” right from the beginning that you're ASKING FOR BIG TROUBLE.
Approach the whole topic with the attitude of “I'm open to whatever great opportunities present themselves.”
Another key point I've realized is that JUST BECAUSE I AM OR AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M GOING TO KEEP FEELING THAT SAME WAY A WEEK FROM NOW.
I've had times in my life when I've been single and thinking, “I'm not into a relationship right now”, and then I met a fantastic woman that changed my mind.
I've also had times when I wanted a relationship, but had more fun being single, so I didn't pursue one.
Best idea: Approach the whole topic with the attitude of “I'm open to whatever great opportunities present themselves.”
When you're with a woman you've just met, don't put the pressure on. Lean back. Be cool.
(ESPECIALLY if the woman is unusually attractive… attractive women are used to men falling for them too quickly, and this turns them off)
If the topic comes up say, “Well, I'm single now, and if I meet a woman that I really like, then we'll see what happens.” A lot of guys don't want to come across as being “afraid of commitment.” But don't go overboard to prove that you're not… because you'll come across as a Wuss-Bag if you try too hard. A woman won't run away from you if you're not calling her 10 times a day. In fact, she'll PROBABLY run if you DO call her too often.
Another perspective I have, and I talk in detail about it in my eBook, is that a LOT of relationship problems are the result of people who don't know each other, getting involved too deeply and too quickly. This is another great thing to MENTION if a woman pushes you on the topic.
If you REALLY like her, call her a couple of times a week and see her every week or two for a few months. Get to know her better.
And in the meantime, if you want to see other women, go for it. Do what feels right to you.
But, always remember, don't turn into a WUSSY if you get into a relationship. If you do, you'll either find yourself being dumped or wake up one day with a ring through your nose and a leash around your neck… and an unhappy woman in your life to boot.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.