How to meet quality gay guys
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How to meet quality gay guys features Max DuBowy, the founder of Your Success Launch
where he teaches you how to accept yourself unconditionally, make friends,
and get confident.
I’m not a club goer and I prefer to do anything else than go to a noisy bar or gay
club where you feel like you have to look or act a certain way. I’ve never
felt comfortable or like I could be myself which is why I understand you
and thousands of other gay men like us don’t like being in “the scene.”
Having full acceptance that you’re not into the gay scene is a huge step to take and
I’m here to tell you, welcome to the real party! In my opinion, it’s sooooo much
better here.
Now let me give you some practical advice on where you can meet quality gay guys
outside the club.
Most of us resort to dating apps like Grindr, Scruff, OkCupid or Manhunt, all with the
hopes of connecting with our community or meeting the love of our life. Just
like gay clubs, this is a way to meet other gay men — but it’s not the only way.
These apps typically attract guys just looking to hook up. These apps can be a
community in their own nature, but they can leave you feeling rejected and
lonely — especially when a hookup or encounter doesn’t turn into a meaningful
friendship.
You actually don’t have to make friends in the gay community in order to feel
fulfilled and satisfied. You don’t have to go to nightclubs or create a dating
profile when you’re feeling lonely, bored or horny. You don’t have to put
yourself in environments that make you feel uncomfortable. If you do, then you’re
doing yourself a disservice and causing harm toward your mental hygiene
which is the way you keep your mind and your emotions clean and spiffy. Just like
we need to stay hygienic with our physical bodies by brushing our teeth, taking
showers and exercising, it’s equally as important to place ourselves in healthy
environments that support our happiness and social well being.
In order to make friends outside the gay scene, you gotta answer this one question:
“What are your values?”
Do you value health? Do you value education? Do you value giving back to communities
through volunteerism or entrepreneurship?
When you identify your values, then you can pick and choose communities that align
with your values. There are plenty of activities that align with your values in
your new city like hiking, yoga, video game clubs, book clubs, art studios,
and seminars at local colleges and universities.
Going to these place and events that align with your values has got to be your number
one priority because that’s where you’re gonna meet people just like you,
regardless of whether or not they’re gay or straight, male or female.
The more often you show up (the keywords here are “show up”), you’ll begin to meet
people who align with your values.
As you meet and mingle with these people, I want you to become proactive in doing
these 3 three things:
First, get in the habit of introducing yourself. It may feel awkward to introduce
yourself to new people, but you just gotta suck it up and realize that some
people are gonna become your friends and others aren’t. I always tell my
students, some will, some won’t, so what, someone’s waiting. Make sure you
remember that.
Second, always ask to exchange contact information. Swap phone numbers or exchange
email addresses. I’m gonna recommend you don’t start with social media here
because it’s so easy to get lost in the noise and just become a cog in someone
else’s social media wheel of doom.
Lastly, follow up and keep in touch. Every time you meet someone you like, invite them
out to coffee or invite them out to a non-work related activity. Then when you have at least 3-4 new friends that you’ve bonded with, you can invite all of them over to your house to have a dinner party or plan a group outing together.
It’s your responsibility to take the initiative to make new friends and form new
social groups, especially when you move to a new city. No one else is gonna do
this for you, but now you have the exact steps to take to get a group of guy
friends together, and you also know how to meet quality gay guys outside the gay
scene.
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