DATING WITH PURPOSE: A TALK WITH ASHLEY GILLETT

Many of us can identify that relationship, the one that emotionally affected us most. It could have been so bad it altered your view on dating, or maybe it taught a lesson that made you stronger. Either way, it changed you in some dramatic way. Instead of burying those emotions, creator Ashley Gillett chose to dive into them. She is an author, counselor and creator of The Love Rehab, a new podcast that highlights the best and worst dating experiences of notable talent. Through these platforms she comedically uses personal experiences to aid and assist her peers and community. 

With the holidays around the corner, love is on many of our minds. Maybe it’s the first time you’re spending Christmas with a significant other; or perhaps you’re single this season and thinking about getting back out there. Regardless of the situation, it’s important to make sure you’re dating with purpose. Based off feedback of readers and peers, Ashley and I discussed a few of the most popular topics surrounding dating and relationships. I hope you find them helpful. 

Why do I keep attracting the same type of negative person? 

It sounds cliche, but it truly is important to work on yourself before dating. “Negative people can sense low self-esteem,” she says. Ashley mentioned how previously she would go out with friends and feel self-conscious because her thinner friends got more attention, but by changing her own view this shifted. 

Does online dating really work? 

“Dating apps have not worked for me, but I know many people that it has worked for. In fact, I know a very successful couple that met on Facebook,” she says. Once you get past the apps and begin texting and calling, it’s important to remain consistent, and make your intentions clear. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, say that. If you’re just looking to have fun, make that known as well. People are busy and its 2018, apps can work but it’s important to clearly state your intentions. 

Is it wrong to need time away from my partner? 

If you feel like you’re lacking in time alone, communicate that. Also, if your partner asks for space, give it to them. “It is okay to unplug and work on yourself. If it’s meant to be it will happen. It’s all about open communication, that’s how long distance relationships work. People spend a lot of time alone but they also FaceTime, call, text and agree to put the time in to make it work.” 

What did you think of Pastor John Gray’s comments? Do you think we have to suffer to find love? 

No of course not, we don’t have to suffer to find love. However, I do think his comments were taken out of context. I’m a Christian and the Bible does say you’re supposed to cover your husband. I know he’s had a lot of struggles in his past, and we don’t technically know what struggle they were talking about. 

Why relationship content? 

“Honestly, because I’ve been in bad relationships, wasted time, dated the same type of person, and went through so many of the issues everyone else has. I just feel like I went through it for a purpose, to help others. That is what led me to first write the book.” 

Get more from Ashley Gillett by purchasing her book Red Flags Run on Amazon, listening to The Love Rehab on Soundcloud and Apple podcasts, or by following her blog at https://www.redflagsrun.com/red-flags-run-blog/ .You can also keep up with her on social media at @ashleywgillett.

By: Kirby Carroll Wright, M.A.