How to Message Someone on a Dating Site

November 17, 2014 8 min read

When you have a subscription on an online dating site you have an only objective: Meeting someone who fills the same desire to start a happy relationship. That man or woman may be the great love of your life, but nothing will happen if you don’t send the first message.
First message is, maybe, the most important thing on online dating; and all dating sites give you the possibility of sending messages.
Unfortunately, some online dating sites limit messages. Some of them let you send only some messages by day, week or month; other ones don’t let you share your personal data (such as email, obviously), and other ones don’t let you send any message until you buy their paid membership.
There’s an obvious cause of this limitations: If messages aren’t limited their let you change personal data (such as emails, cell phone numbers, Whatsapp, social networks profiles, etc.) with other users. It lets you meet them out of the site, and it’s not convenient for online dating sites, especially for free sites because they need to have their subscribers captives long time for getting money showings adds to them.
Although I don’t recommend free online dating sites there’re some exceptions, like Plentyoffish. Plentyoffish is totally free in all aspects, messages included. If you want to subscribe yourself to Plentyoffish:


There’re other free online dating sites like Plentyoffish, but this is the only one with international dimension.
But if you don’t like Plentyoffish and you want to pay for a dating site, I recommend you to buy their membership. Don’t waste your time at a paid dating site if you don’t have enough money to buy the complete membership, because you’ll be very limited and you won’t contact any men or women; and if you can’t message someone you don’t have any reason to be a member of an online dating site.
If you can pay a membership on an online dating site, I recommend you to choose one famous site such as Match, Meetic, FriendFinder, or another one similar. In DatingWebTips we’ll recommend these sites and other ones and we’ll analyze their pros and cons soon. By now, we only say you that it’s better to select one of these sites because they’re very famous and they have a lot of user online, and it means that you’ll have more options to choose.
As soon as you’re secure that your online dating site lets you message without restrictions you can start to look for potentials partners already, and you can start to message them too. But there’re some things that you must know before writing your first message.

Things to avoid when you message someone on a dating site
There’re some things to avoid when you message someone on a dating site, most people do these things and they never receive any response. Please, analyze these points well.

1. – Trying to message with all people
Many people, after they paid the membership at an online dating site they want to recover their investment sending messages for all men or women at the site. This is wrong because they receive a lot of responses from people incompatibles with them, and also this is wrong because messaging with a lot of people at the same time is very difficult.
Yet worse! Imagine getting response from someone so compatible with you that perhaps he or she is the love of your life, but you can’t respond their message because you don’t find that one between hundreds of other messages that you received.
It’s for you messaging only those people who have common things with you, we talked about this in another article: Dos and don’ts of online dating.

2. – Sending common messages
Many people send common messages, like this:
“Hello! I saw you profile and I’d like to meet you. My name is John; I’m a lawyer from Chicago. I’m waiting for your response.”
Who would respond a message like this?
When you message someone on a dating site remember to act like you’re selling something. In reality, you’re selling something. You’re selling the idea that they want to meet you and to have a relationship with you. And, the previous message doesn’t sell because it needs to give more details; but, specially, it needs to cover the famous process called AIDA:
Attraction –> Interest –> Desire -> Action
In other words, your message has to be attractive for them; then it has to be interesting for them; then it has to stimulate their desire for meeting you; and finally, they have to take action. Action here is responding your message and wanting to meet you more.

3. – Sending and receiving messages on an online dating site for long time
If messages aren’t limited they let you change personal information and having conversation with other user out of the site. Online dating sites administrators know it, and now you know it too. Then, use it for your advantage.
Don’t stay long time sending and receiving messages on an online dating site. Don’t send more than three messages and get personal information about them. Then, contact them out of the online dating site, by SMS or Whatsapp, for example. These contact ways are a bridge between the online dating site and the face to face contact. So, go out as soon as possible.

How to message someone on a dating site
Now it’s time for knowing what things you can do in this kind of sites.
Messaging is a process and you need to prepare it with anticipation. Do you want that men or women who you saw listed in the online dating site wants to respond your first message? Then follow the next steps:
Make investigation
In any online dating site you’ll see a lot of interesting profiles, and you’ll want to send messages to many of them. But, first you need to analyze all details about each profile.
First, analyze their personal characteristics, so you’ll know if they are compatible with you. Don’t see their physical appearance only; and don’t make any decision based in their photography only. There’re many more important aspects to consider than these ones only.
See what they want to find in any potential partner, review it many times and write it in a piece of paper or a text document to remembering all details, because you have to cover these aspects, not all of them, but at least the most important things for them.
So, you’ll have a list of important aspects, but one of them will be more important than others. Try to identify what aspect is the more important one, and write it in the first line of the piece of paper or text document, because it’ll help you later.
For example: We made an investigation about one profile and we had detected the next important aspects:
I’m looking for someone special (This is the most import aspect)
These are important aspects because he or she is looking for these ones in an ideal partner, and now, these are keywords to writing in your first message. Because they mentioned these words like something important you must mention these ones too, so they’ll think you are something similar to them, and maybe the ideal partner to have a happy relationship.

How to write a good title
Title will be read first, and if your message is open or not depends on it. Then, remember AIDA sequence:
Attention -> Interest -> Desire -> Action
Focus your title on getting their attention and be very careful when you are redacting it. It’s important writing in the title the most important aspect for them. So, you’ll get their attention immediately.
In our example, the most important aspect is “someone special”, it isn’t concrete but they mentioned it as something important, and when you say the same words to them you’ll get their attention immediately.
Next title is good:
“I’m looking for someone special, too.”
Do you want a better title? Then write their name, and your message will be perceived like something personal and original.
Do you want a better title yet? Then write your name next to their name, and they’ll think you are together, in an unconscious level…
“Hello Alice! I’m Arthur, and I’m looking for someone special, too”
“Hello Arthur! I’m Alice, and I’m looking for someone special, too”
In this blog we’ll show how to message someone on a dating site using some messages titles very attractive, and some good predesigned messages to flirt with any people. It’ll be soon.

How to write your message
If message’s title gets your prospect’s attention, its content must continue with AIDA sequence, getting their interest, stimulating their desire, and make them to take action.
You need to use the rest of your keywords, in our previous example these ones was:
Average message have between three and five paragraphs, first paragraph will be focused on interest, last paragraph will be focused on action, and internal paragraphs will be focused on desire.
For our example, our message would be like this:
“Hello Alice! I’m Arthur, and I’m looking for someone special, too.
Unfortunately, I’m a romantic man. And I said unfortunately because I suffered many deceptions many times for that reason.
But, I want to find someone special yet. I’m looking for a sincere woman to have an intelligent conversation in a friendly tone. Only I want to love and to be loved.
Are you that special woman? If you are please respond this message. Feel free to ask anything you want, I’ll answer any question yours, and I’d like to meet you personally very soon.”

Let’s analyze this message:
First paragraph contains the same text that I wrote in the title, so I get her attention one more time.
Second paragraph get her interest because it say I’m romantic, and she are looking for a romantic partner.
Third paragraph arouse her desire because it mentions I have things that she’s looking for. At the same time, she draws mental images when we both are conversing together in a friendly tone, and I’m sincere with her.
Last paragraph is a call to action. Don’t forget to say explicitly what action they have to do; here the action is to respond the message.
Messaging someone on a dating site is so easy!

Don’t forget to edit your message
After writing the message you need to do something more, don’t send your message immediately. Please, wait!
You must wait twenty four hours at least, but if you want to contact them already wait for two hours at least.
Then, reed your message one more time and maybe you’ll find something to improve; edit it, and send it.
When you wrote your message recently you are dominated by emotions, and maybe you don’t see any error now, but if you wait by two hours at least, you’ll see the message more unemotionally and you’ll edit it more easily.

How to message someone on a dating site – Checklist
1. – Sign in an online dating site, choose sites that let you send and receive messages without restrictions on its content, I recommend Plentyoffish free, or paid sites such as Match, Meetic, or other ones.
2. – Select profiles compatibles with you only.
3. – Read what theywant to find in their ideal partner, write a list with all these characteristics, select the more important one and write it in the first line of the list. You can write this list in a paper or in a Windows notes blog file.
4. – Remember AIDA sequence:
Attraction –> Interest –> Desire –> Action
5- Write the main keyword in the title, it must capture your prospect’s attention immediately.
6. – Write the text of message, follow the AIDA sequence and write all keywords of your list.
7. – Don’t send your message immediately, wait for two hours at least (we recommend 24 hours), then review it, edit it, and finally send it.
Messaging to someone in a dating site is easy if you follow the technique I shared with you in this article.
Is he or she the love of your life? Maybe, but nothing will happen if you don’t contact him or her.
Remember leave the dating site as soon as possible, and start to communicate with them by another communication system, such as SMS or Whatsapp. This is the bridge between the online dating site and face to face contact.

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