52 Things You Should Never Ever Say On A First Date

July 25, 2014 2 min read

Everyone has been on at least one horrible first date. Let this sampling of things BuzzFeed staffers have had said to them serve as a cautionary tale. They are all 100% real.


1. I want to love you.
2. So, what’s wrong with you?
3. We would make beautiful children.
4. Wow, this is so weird.
5. Are you going to kill me? I’m not into internet murder.
6. My therapist tells me that I should really stop talking to my ex.
7. I think I love you.
8. You seem nervous.
9. You’re too cute to be single.
10. You’d like my wife/husband.
11. You’ll definitely have to smoke more weed if you hang out with me.
12. I just feel a lot, I don’t know.
13. How many people have you slept with on OkCupid?
14. You remind me of my mom.
15. I guess I can be kind of a jerk sometimes.
16. You’re not the type of person I usually go for.
17. Do you want to go to a strip club?
18. So, are you smart?
19. Do you mind if my friend stops by?
20. I have a third nipple — want to see it?
21. I’m thinking of moving. I just can’t sit still.
22. So, you just don’t have any hobbies?
23. How’s [the online dating website you met on] going for you?
24. So was I an accidental right swipe?
25. So, are you bi? ‘Cause those glasses are giving you away.
26. I’d never read [that book you like]. I only read dense, complicated books.
27. You’re kind of eating a lot.
28. So, how long have you been single for?
29. Look, I’m all for gender equality, as long as women know their place.
30. You’d make a beautiful mother.
31. It sounds like you don’t really have fun.
32. My ex always used to say…
33. So, do you go on a lot of dates?
34. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?
35. I met my last girlfriend while I was hanging out in the undergraduate library trying to meet girls.
36. I’m not looking for anything serious.
37. Is your friend from your profile picture single?
38. I think R. Kelly is misunderstood.
39. I don’t really know how to watch my tone.
40. This wasn’t a good idea. I think I’m just going to go.
41. Can I look through your diary?
42. ** starts crying **
43. We should definitely travel together.
44. Sorry I’m late, I just came from this cool art thing. You probably haven’t heard of it.
45. I just had a burrito.
46. I don’t like burritos.
47. You’re not one of THOSE feminists are you?
48. Not to sound sexiest or anything but…
49. So, how long until you’ll let me sleep with you?
50. Have you ever thought of losing a few pounds?
51. I’m about to go on a trip for the next six months.
52. So, how do you think that went?

by Mackenzie Kruvant

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