Keeping A Beautiful Woman Attracted by DavidDeAngelo

***QUESTION***

Hello David, I want to start by thanking you for your work. Once in a great while, someone comes along that truly wants to help others succeed, and puts in the effort to the research and testing, and makes something great for others. You are one of those people, and I'm glad to see you succeed by helping so many others do the same. I was reaching to find answers, like a lot of us were, and found your material. It has been awesome. In the last week, I saw the most attractive woman I perhaps ever have. She was a 9.5 on my scale, which is truly rare to find for me. Not just in looks, but a great personality. Instead of giving in to my normal habits, I applied the methods you taught. We went out to a club, and had a great time. I had another friend of mine there, and I used him as a means to partially ignore her at times, constantly making jokes that were just too quiet for her to hear, and looking at her and smiling when doing it. She constantly wanted to know what was funny, yet she wasn't mad, just shyly curious. I was aloof, yet not terribly too distant from her. I would wander off by myself, knowing she was with my friend, and leave them hanging alone for a little while now and then. (I knew my friend wasn't going to hit on her). I would go up to other girls and whisper something in their ear right in front of her, to give her the idea that I was completely comfortable in my own skin with women. Once, on my way back from the dance floor, I found her with some other guy. I flashed a sly little smile, but kept on walking right by, as if to imply "You have a good time there. I could care less. As a matter of fact, you look a tad pathetic coming on to him." She soon returned and said that I had been gone too long, and some guy had "dragged her away from me". That night, I had resisted the urge to act like anything but the kind of man you would teach someone to be. All urges at wussness were disregarded, and I played the part to a tee. Even though it didn't entirely feel normal or comfortable at first, I could see that it was definitely working, so I kept it up. I would occasionally catch her staring at me from the corner of my eye, sometimes for 2 or 3 seconds. I didn't react, but just kept saying to myself "Damn. David has been right the whole time". I woke up the next morning with a weird feeling... this was something I had never achieved before. I don't mean sex with a woman soon after I met her, but the fact that she was so damn gorgeous. At the risk of sounding a little chauvinistic, she was the best girl I have ever had. Well, over the next two weeks or so, I kept coming over and doing things during the days with her and staying at night. This is when things began to change. You had a timeless question from a guy once who said something like "After I sleep with a woman why do I feel like hating her?" Well, I normally feel the same. But with this girl, it was different. I wanted to keep her. But, the more time we spent together, the more we started to both feel like whatever I sparked was fading quick. I could see the thrill of our initial meeting was dying, and I wanted to add to my image in her mind the idea that I could be a part of her daily life too, not just the nighttime party one. I felt like I had to show her something that proved I didn't just want her for sex. I knew I couldn't let her interpret it as me buying her attention or body, although I'm afraid that may have been exactly what I did. I ended up purchasing her and her roomate a full stock of groceries, which they definitely needed. It gave me some kind of a sense that I had shown that I was more than just a sex buddy, which really felt good to me. However, lately she has pulled away. We will still go out and have a good time, but more like friends, with only a little flirting. She now refuses sex, saying "it would complicate things." By the way, although she has been in long-term relationships since she was 16, she currently isn't, and seems to be enjoying the party life a lot. She is 22 now. I know you said in your audio series that it is a mistake to try to tie down a party girl, but she told me of her long-term history with guys, and that's why I tried. Did I screw up by getting too close too fast? Was it unrealistic for me to show that kind of attention to her needs that quick or at all? How many times should a guy see a girl each week if he wants to keep up the attraction and have a great time, but not become too familiar to her? Thanks man.

Confused, -J

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Oh, I feel your pain. I'm sure that just about every man alive can identify with this story in one way or another... even if it doesn't involve a woman that you'd describe as a "9.5". So, let's talk about the situation you're in, what happened at first, and what to do now... First of all, congratulations on the fact that you were able to make this kind of success happen in the first place! You're doing great, and I know how good it feels to have this kind of success with a really attractive woman. It sounds like you're really starting to "get it" at a deep level. The more you continue to study the materials you have (especially the CD Series) the more you'll understand how to attract these UNUSUALLY attractive women... and more importantly, KEEP THEM ATTRACTED. Let's review a few of my main concepts, and how they apply to this situation... ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE Explained differently, a woman doesn't CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE to feel attracted to a man. A woman also doesn't consciously choose to STOP her attraction for a man. It happens for reasons that seem very illogical to most men. The things you were doing when you first met this girl were EXACTLY the right things for creating this wonderful feeling of ATTRACTION inside of her. And she obviously enjoyed it tremendously. You mentioned that you didn't feel totally comfortable at first, but since it was obvious that she was becoming more and more interested in you, you kept going... which led to you getting together with her. But, remember the flip side: If you start doing the WRONG things, the woman will LOSE her ATTRACTION for you as well. And it will happen ALL BY ITSELF. The worst part is that you can't logically convince her to keep feeling attracted to you. If you screw it up, you're probably going to screw it up to a point that is almost impossible to fix. - GIVE HER THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU What do most guys do as soon as they meet a REALLY HOT, ultra-attractive woman? Of course! They call three times a day, and want to see her all the time. Attractive women know better than to do this. When an attractive woman meets a man she likes, she usually PLAYS HARD TO GET. Instead of calling, she acts like she's BUSY. This makes the man try even harder, and pursue her even more... It sounds like you did exactly the opposite. In your email here you say: "Well, over the next two weeks or so, I kept coming over and doing things during the days with her and staying at night. This is when things began to change..." No no no! Over the next two weeks you should have called her every few days, and seen her maybe three times for a few hours each. No "doing things during the days with her and staying at night"! You really need to remember to GIVE HER THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU! If you're around all the time, you become predictable, expected, and uninteresting. On the other hand, if you're mysterious, challenging, and hard to pin down, she will think about you and miss the times she's had with you. - DON'T TURN INTO A WUSS This is one of the biggest mistakes that men make when they meet a woman that they REALLY like. I get a lot of emails from guys saying "I met this girl, and I used everything I've learned from Double Your Dating to get her... but now that we've been seeing each other for awhile things are changing, and I'm starting to lose control of how I act... and I'm turning into my old Wussy self..." As I'm sure you can guess, this is bad bad bad for attraction. When you start out by doing things that are attractive to her, then gradually turn into a WUSS BAG, you go from her wildest dream to her worst nightmare right in front of her eyes. If you figure out how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, then KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING! Don't start being a clingy Wuss. Translation: Don't spend every day and night with her, don't buy her groceries, and don't try to get her into a relationship fifteen minutes after you meet her. You also mentioned a few little words that stood out for me: "I kept coming over...". YOU kept coming over. When you're the one coming to her, then she's the one in control. Think about it. This is a small point, and it isn't always the case, but in this situation it makes a difference. So, what should you do now? You should give her some space. Don't call her more than once or twice a week, and don't see her more than once or twice a week for awhile. Don't pressure her physically, and don't try to push for a relationship. DATE OTHER WOMEN! Get out there and go out with some other women... and when you talk to her don't hide the fact that you're doing it. Be casual about it, but feel free to mention it in conversation once or twice. - GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Don't get hung up, don't obsess about her, and don't make it important to "win her back". Just move on. This combination will give you the greatest chance of winning her back... And the next time you meet a beautiful woman that has an interesting personality, DON'T TURN INTO A PREDICTABLE, BORING, CLINGY, WUSSY! You've done a great job getting this far. Now get back in there and take this to the next level! And if you're reading this right now and thinking to yourself "I need to learn this stuff so I can meet beautiful women like this guy...", then we have to talk. One of the most important insights I've gotten from learning the secrets of how to attract women is very interesting... I've realized that if a man doesn't know how to attract women, it spills over into all other areas of his life. It's a very special kind of insecurity that causes a lot of problems in other areas as well. Let's face it. Just about everything that men do to achieve material success in life is somehow connected to ATTRACTING WOMEN. But guess what? Material success won't make the INSECURITY and the FEAR go away! The only thing that WILL make it go away is actually LEARNING how to attract women. I know, because I've been there. I can CLEARLY remember how different I felt inside when I had no idea how to meet women... and I know how different it feels now that I do. My relationships work better, because I'm not acting AFRAID... afraid that she's going to leave, afraid I won't be able to find someone else... etc. And when I'm single, I'm happy. I don't constantly worry anymore, not knowing if I'll ever meet another woman.

Your Friend,

David D.